Heavy Sighs and Heavy Prayers

Just once I wish I would have something positive to write about. Seems that those events are few and far between. I feel so "broken". The burdens of life (and mid-life no less) just seem to be taking their toll. I know this frump I'm in is not of God and I rejoice that He will make a way for me. Still, so many trials have been coming against me. I actually thought to myself recently, "I'd like to go to sleep and then wake up in heaven because the Lord came back when I was sleeping." Just so I don't have to feel depressed, or sick, or hurt and upset. I've been doing the work of three people during my 9-5 job, and then I work on Saturday (and some Sundays) because I'm the sole breadwinner and I don't make enough to make ends meet. I rush home (1 and 1/2 hours from the apartment that is home during the week) on Wednesday nights for bible study...rush back on Thursday to work. Then I go home Saturday night after working all day (or Sunday morning for church) to spend the day with the boys (usually--church, shopping, cleaning and doing laundry), go to the evening service and then head back again to do laundry and dishes at the apartment, go to sleep by 11 for work on Monday morning. My husband is always demanding time with me and we argue about money, kids and God all the time. (He's not a believer). My grandkids call and tell me they miss me. I have one grandson I've never met or kissed or held yet. My sons call and ask for money. My other son tells me he's "outta' here" after graduation in May. He's been hanging with a young man who is of questionable morals and it's breaking my heart. Again...I just feel broken. Like I can't be fixed. Again, my heart knows that God is greater then all of this but my head feels like it's stuffed full with cotton fluff. Heavy Sigh. Say some heavy prayers for me.