Just Don't Fit Anymore

I feel like a fish out of water lately. Guess it's really been building up the last few years. I don't feel like I fit anymore. Anywhere. With Anyone. And - I'm not just talking about waist size. Don't feel like I fit with most of my husband's family, had a falling out over something insignificant - and we are all Christian's! Plus, my husband shares all of his "issues" about me or my kids with his brother - so they "see me" through "tainted eyes." Again, they are Christians and so am I. Where is the forgiveness? Go Figure. My husband is a DC now, so I don't fit in that "educated circle." Actually, he's having more life experiences in Mexico without me right now. He has all "male" hobbies and I don't fit there because I can't relate or perform. My kids have a strained relationship with him - so it puts a terrible strain on me. I feel like I don't really fit as "Mom" either, because they are all adults now. My advise and opinions are "old fashioned" and discounted. Angry sentiments for life's hard times are directed or blamed on me. They don't relate to me or need me like they used to - and more often then not, I feel used (like an afterthought) instead of loved or admired. Haven't lived back in California for over 5 years and don't feel like I fit in the old circles there. Hardly anyone keeps in touch. So much has changed and I've been left out of the loop save for one friend back there. I haven't lived in Wisconsin in over 23 years...and though my family is there, I don't really fit there anymore either. Life has dealt me some hard times and while they empathize, I'm not sure they can truly relate to me on many levels. We've lived separate lives for so many years. Don't have any real friends to vent with or have fun with and hang out in Dallas...cuz' I've spent the last 5 years working 7 days a week. I have associates at work, but other than a school chum (who lives an hour away) not really fitting in there either. No money, no exceptional attributes, nothing to offer really. Haven't been to church much because of car problems, and Pastor retired. All the kids that used to go with my kids are in college so when I get there I don't recognize half the people anymore. I just don't fit anywhere. I always want to be anywhere else but where I am in the given moment. It's a very uncomfortable feeling. Wish I could shake it.

Wonderful Family

God Bless Us All in 2010! I love you guys!!

My Grandchildren!

It's been over 5 years since I moved from California to Texas. I'm saddened by all that I missed in the growing years of my grandchildren. But, every visit I have is a cherished memory. Look how they've grown! Aren't they beautiful? God truly blessed me when He gave me grandchildren. He blessed me with children who bless me with grandchildren. Though life is an unending struggle, this is something to be thankful for because there are many who would love to have children and cannot. God, place a hand of guidance and a hedge of protection around these precious little ones. I love them so much and know you love them more (which is difficult to comprehend). Place people in their lives who will teach them to walk in YOUR ways. When I am apart from them, remind them how much I love them. I pray this in Jesus' name, Amen.

It's a New Year

It's a New Year and hopefully a time of New Beginnings. So far, it seems like the same stresses, burdens, worries and fears. Same arguments and frustrations. Do I want to lose weight and get in shape? Yes. Do I hope my financial situation improves? Of Course. Do I want my relationship to grow stronger? Who wouldn't? Is there much to pray about in the world (family, friends, economy, government, health, forgiveness, our daily walk with God)? Most certainly!
As a mortal, it is all too easy to get caught up in the chaos and distraction of the 21st century. (An old trick of the adversary). I'm the Queen of busy and distracted. "Give it to God, take it back. I can handle this." Not! It's all too easy to be a "victim" and harder to be proactive and tenacious about our true purpose. (Especially when married to an unbeliever). But, I revel in the moments God lets me know He is with me every moment. The loving whispers that all is not lost in despair and there is love - there is hope. Even when it's 17 degrees outside, the sky is blue and clear - I'm thankful for that. I'm thankful for my job, thankful for my children and grandchildren, thankful for extended family and good health. I thank God He chose me to walk with Him by sending Jesus.
So, I start the New Year rejoicing and prayerfully acknowledging all that He is and does for us. I pray for my son in the Marines and all those being deployed. I pray for my son and daughter who are unemployed. I pray for the safety of my son who is a semi driver. I pray for all of my family members who are lost or have strayed from God's path for them - please draw us near to you and keep our eyes and hearts focused heavenward. May God bless you in many, many ways this year.